Cats and their Relationships with People
Do cats really have relationships with people? Some people swear that they do while others say it’s ridiculous to think that such aloof, naturally independent creatures could be anything other than one-way demanding. After all cats generally get just what they want – when they want it – otherwise they take matters into their own hands (or should I say paws?). For example, if our cats “go off” their food, which they do from time to time, and we don’t rectify the situation to their satisfaction quickly, at least two of them are likely to go hunting for food. Many people say that cats only hunt rats and mice for sport, but mine eat them. And they don’t use cat accessories (like bowls) to do so. Knowing our usual reaction to leftover carcasses, they generally eat in the bath, I suppose because it’s easy to clean!
But however independent and seemingly feral their behavior may be, cats can be affectionate creatures too. In fact they are often incredibly demanding in terms of attention, sometimes from people who loath cats. When it comes to bonding (as opposed to simply wanting to be petted and stroked or fed), it is usually the cat that decides who to bond with. And this is when a relationship is formed. Some people say it’s impossible to bond with a cat, maybe for them, but I’m a firm believer that cats have relationships with humans. My conviction comes more from watching cat and human relationships develop, rather than any relationships I have had with my cats. In fact, I’m sad to say I have struck more meaningful relationships with dogs than with cats, even though I have a strong love of cats in general. Dogs are happy to depend on us, and they show great appreciation for our love and attention. Cats generally don’t seem to care - unless of course they are motivated to adopt a human. So striking a good cord with a dog is a lot easier than with a cat.
It is my belief that to have a meaningful relationship, a cat and a human being clearly need to have some sort of very special connection. It also needs to be different to any connection or relationship the cat may have to somebody else. So just because a cat sits on your lap from time to time, or even snuggles next to you on the bed at night, or purrs when you stroke it, doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a meaningful relationship with him or her. Cupboard love comes easy to the cat. If you can provide love, comfort and food this will be accepted, nothing more and nothing less.
A relationship between a cat and a person is easy to spot. For example, about ten years ago I adopted a kitten from an animal shelter. I saved her life! The funny thing though is that she chose me – or so I thought. My then-teenage daughter and I spent about an hour walking up and down along the cages filled with unfortunate cats and kittens. Some meowed pitifully while others just looked at us with big, wide eyes. But this little, mostly tabby alley cat-kitten with a white chest ran up and down the wire smacking her front paw against it as if to say “choose me, choose me”. So we did.
Then we bought all the cat accessories that she needed: bowls, a cat tray and litter, fish tidbits, toys, and a scratch block. I just stopped at the cat designer collar and cat leash. I also ignored the idea of a cat bed, knowing we had plenty of cushions at home. And it was at home that I realized that if this kitten was going to form a relationship with any one, it would be with my husband. Thanking us girls for nothing (not saving her life or showering her with cat accessories and other gifts), she walked straight up to her newly discovered man and stared in his eyes as if to say: “You are my handsome prince. You’re mine.” It’s been that way ever since. Of course not all men are cat lovers, but many are flattered when a cat decides to initiate a relationship like this one. It doesn’t mean that this particular cat ignores me, although she might have if I’d produced a cat designer collar and a cat leash! She hasn’t the temperament of a city cat. Small-boned and agile, she is a mouser of note. And she really does have a will of her own. Plain as she is, she’s got attitude.
If she is hungry she will yowl at her man. Only when he ignores her will she come to me. In fact she sometimes jumps on us both in the middle of the night to draw attention to the fact that her bowl is empty. Whoever gets up first will do for her. She also likes to share the glass of water I keep next to my bed. But that’s because she’s perverse, not because we have a special relationship. And she prefers to sleep on my side of the bed … and that’s because her man thinks nothing about kicking her off the bed. Really, he kicks. But she doesn’t love him any less!
She also talks to him. I don’t know what she says, but he seems to understand. She’ll strut into the room and make a meeuwee sort of noise that sounds like a mauwee sort of a sentence – which is probably why we named her Mauwee. And she follows him around, sits on his desk and stares at him a lot. She keeps his side of the bed warm for him and brings mice to him.
She pretty well rules the roost and is intolerant of the other cats. She’s the oldest and smallest, and the only one of the three who has what can genuinely be described as a meaningful relationship with a person. But she certainly isn’t the only cat in the world to have had one.
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